My Simple Life Situations [spelt out in five book covers]

Afternoon everyone, today I bring to you certain situations I’ve found myself in told in the medium of book covers.

King Crow by Michael Stewart

This perfectly represents me when I’ve just put fresh bird food out into the garden and that damn squirrel rocks up and nicks the lot. I hate that little bastard sometimes and wish I were a Crow with a baseball bat.

Pure by Rose Cartwright

Sometimes I just sit on the bed and stare. Sometimes I sit there debating whether I can be bothered to paint my toenails. But mostly I sit there thinking ‘is 7pm too early to climb in and snuggle up?’

Car Park Life by Gareth E Rees

Back in the day when I worked on the High Street I’d be waiting for the bus in the pouring rain with 400 other poor sods, who were desperate to stay dry and get home. Usually someone would piss me off by jamming themselves into an already full bus stop. I miss those days like a hole in the head.

She – Clown and Other Stories by Hannah Vincent

I feel like being pretty today, let’s do a proper makeover. Can I do winged eyeliner at 46 and a half? Can I hell. Usually looks even worse than this to be honest.

The Book Collector by Alice Thompson

I definitely did blow out that Yankee candle before I came out didn’t I? Didn’t I???? Me with my thoughts of uncertainty.

So there you have it, I’m a bit of a book weirdo. But you probably knew that already! Thanks for dropping by and have a great day

Boy Parts by Eliza Clark

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I’m reviewing this book in a way I feel is fitting to my reading experience. It’ll be to the point, crass in places and slightly scatterbrained!
Let’s keep it simple, for those of you that aren’t aware of my reading tastes, let me explain.
I LOVE reading weird, dodgy, questionable stuff. I go from demure gorgeous historical fiction to books only suitable for strong stomached wrong’uns.
Eliza Clark’s debut is all kinds of wrong. And so what?! I bloody loved it!

‘I wake up a full twenty-four hours later on my sofa. A bag of chips completely defrosted in my lap.’

📸 A forthright debut novel with hints of Trainspotting, American Psycho & CJ Skuses’ Sweetpea
📸 A dark, voyeuristic peek into the art world, relationships, drugs, gender & sexuality

‘Eddie, Eddie, Eddie from Tesco, shall I compare thee to a heavily discounted piece of meat on the reduced shelf at the end of the day? Thou art cheaper and, hopefully, fresher.’

📸 A narcissistic female protagonist who’s vulnerabilities surface throughout the story
📸 A diverse cast of characters that brings strong relationship dynamics from all angles

‘…why they don’t do condoms like cup sizes – A, B, C – rather than letting people guess what size they are based on…’

📸Riddled with a dark and dirty humour, I choked on my own spit a fair few times

‘I’m glad she’s still quantifying how much she wants to do stuff by how many dicks she’d suck to do it.’

📸 As a 40-something reader, the Urban Dictionary was my best friend
📸 Not recommended for the more sensitive reader. Don’t touch it with a barge pole if you’re easily offended.
📸📸📸📸/5

Summerwater by Sarah Moss

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On the longest day of the summer, twelve people sit cooped up with their families in a faded Scottish cabin park. The endless rain leaves them with little to do but watch the other residents.

Summerwater was inspired by a family holiday that Sarah Moss had in Scotland where it relentlessly rained.

‘You can’t wait for the fucking weather, not here, you’ll be dead before it stops raining.’

The story revolves around twelve very different families over a twenty four hour period. But in fact, they have a lot more in common with each other than they actually realise.

‘…who the fuck goes on holiday where there isn’t even a chippy?’

This book is a ‘people-watchers’ dream. After all, what else is there to do when it’s pouring down outside? You’ve just spent a small fortune on a musty old cabin in the woods, and the sun seems like a long distant memory. You’d sit and watch the world go by from inside that cabin and judge each other of course! That’s what I would do anyway. Get my moneys worth one way or another. British holidays are a lot to be desired at times.

‘People get on best, in Claire’s view, when they’re apart at least half the time…’

We get to meet bored young children and angsty teenagers, newly engaged young things and married couples whose relationships have become stagnant and barely tolerable as they approach old age.

What they all have in common is they are disgruntled by the weather, their lives in general, and most of all each other.

‘What do you want, Josh whispers in her ear. A cup of tea and a bacon bap, she thinks, would be excellent, but she says kiss me…’

We’ve all been there, those family holidays where we try our hardest to make the best of a bad situation. Sitting indoors with no phone signal or WiFi can force our minds back into the real world, whether we like it or not. What is it about the British, is it really such a strain to talk and connect with each other?

‘Have a bath, he said’ …Women’s magazines always say that, a long scented bath, as if everything from baby weight to infidelity will dissolve in enough hot water, as if you can spend enough on bath salts to cover the smell of self-loathing and rage.’

In between each chapter, Moss delicately brings in another aspect to the story. Brief, evocative description of the surroundings, vignette style chapters which connect the surrounding natural world to the characters. Whilst reading these, they gave me welcomed respite from the character-driven trope. A breather almost, to prepare me for the next ‘human’ instalment.

‘You probably don’t notice when you’re in your prime, do you; in fact, if you’re thinking about your prime it’s almost certainly over.’

What I loved most about Summerwater was it’s simple concept mixed with the complexities of being human, being loved and being angry.

This story is littered with a dark humour I wasn’t expecting. I experienced real hearty belly laughs on numerous occasions. I read some of it in the bathtub too, soaking away my own ‘self-loathing and rage’! At one point I looked up into the bathroom mirror and saw my facial expression which I think was mixture of a ‘knowing smirk’ and a deep connective understanding. I read about 30 pages towards the end out loud to myself as I had a few hours on my own. I wanted to properly ‘hear’ the characters’ voices. The dialogue was chatty, easy. The descriptions breathtakingly beautiful.

The final few pages of Summerwater was phenomenal. I’ll say no more on that subject, I suggest you read it.

This is the first time I’ve read anything by Sarah Moss, and I’m delighted to discover she has a back catalogue which I will definitely get through.

I’ll leave you with a final quote, from Justine. She’s a Mum of two with a running-obsession, but what is she REALLY running from? She was definitely my most favourite character of all;

‘…old ladies, powder and lipstick to totter to the corner shop with one of those trolleys because they’ve not bothered to lift anything heavier than a biscuit since the menopause…’

Big thanks to Sarah Moss and Picador for sending me an advanced copy via the NetGalley platform in exchange for an honest review.

The Hoarder by Jess Kidd

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The Hoarder is the mesmerising second novel from Jess Kidd. It is a dark, comical tale of haunting and hoarding.

 

‘Time wavers and retreats at Bridlemere, coughing and shambling. Here is history mutely putrefying and elegance politely withering’.

Two weeks it took me to read The Hoarder by Jess Kidd. Two weeks of beautiful, poetic writing, which ambled along at a pace slower than I normally would like. That said, the speed at which this story unfolds was exactly how it should be. I devoured every sentence, re-read many paragraphs, I wasn’t itching for a conclusion or big reveal, I was deep in the moment, sucked in by incredible writing.

I loved everything about the story, the writing style, the characters, the humour, the sadness and poignancy. Whilst reading, I felt as though I was transported to Bridlemere, the aromas of a once grand mansion seeped into my senses, the quirky characters had my undivided attention, and the paranormal elements added an unusual and often amusing twist.

‘Sometimes the wind dropped down and hid behind the dunes, sometimes it sent playful handfuls of sand skipping. Sometimes it raised colossal storms to scour your arse all along the strand’.

I’m not entirely sure whether I’ve read anything with Irish protagonists before, if I have, it’s gone unnoticed or forgotten. The sometimes slightly crass dialogue brought smirks and smiles, just breaking up the flow enough to give it an edge, perfectly placed, no profanity for the sake of it.

The Hoarder is faultless, I am finding it difficult to review in all its perfection. I didn’t read too much about it prior to starting it, and went in blind. I just had a funny feeling it would blow me away. And it did just that.

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About the Author

Jess Kidd was brought up in London as part of a large family from County Mayo. Her first novel, Himself, was shortlisted for the Irish Book Awards in 2016 and she was the winner of the Costa Short Story Award in the same year. In 2017, Himself was shortlisted for the Authors’ Club Best First Novel Award and longlisted for the CWA John Creasey (New Blood) Dagger. Her second novel, The Hoarder, was shortlisted for the Kerry Group Irish Novel of the Year Award in association with Listowel Writers’ Week’. Both books were BBC Radio 2 Book Club picks.
@JessKiddHerself | jesskidd.com

The Regrettable Actions of my Bookish Younger Self

So today I’ve decided to take a trip down Book Memory Lane. You know what us oldies are like for reminiscing about days gone by, all nostalgic, when times were better…

As you’ve probably all experienced in your own lives, us book lovers simply run out of shelf space. Unless of course you’re one of those lucky sods with a massive spare room/library to house every single book you’ve ever owned. (No bitterness or jealousy at all there.)

I’ve done many a charity shop donation with books I just didn’t have room for. Okay, admittedly, some I was glad to see the back of, but most were ‘I doubt I’d re-read, but I still like yous’. I have been known to *ahem* buy them again if seen for a bargain somewhere though.

In superb technicolour, here are the actual editions I have loved and lost.

[Click on the covers to find out more!]

And there we have it. A mixed bag of books from my past that I would love to have back on my bookshelves. Did any of these ring any bells? If you were a child/teen of the 80’s, I’m sure some of these covers will take you back!

Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend folks!

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