YA MUM by Ben Tallon

YA MUM and other stories from the backstreets of Britain

A strange little yellow book full of strange scenarios that every single one of us can relate to in some way.

Ya Mum is short vignette style stories that give a sense of art and deeper thought to everyday occurrences that are always seen but often ignored. 

From dumped shopping trolleys to a lonesome shoe. Social distancing in Morrisons to an unpleasant discovery in a pub toilet. 

Armed with the perils of hangovers and dubiously stained mattresses, author Ben Tallon sees our world a little differently. He sees beyond the basics, he turns the arse-end of British life into something story-worthy. 

I see this book as a ‘loo book’ or stocking filler. A book that you find yourself reading out of morbid curiosity, nodding in agreement and surprise at just how relevant it is. 

It’s a strange little yellow book, and I recommend it for shits and giggles. It offers a perspective of this crappy world with its crappy people that’s nothing quite like yours.

About the author:

Ben Tallon is a writer, illustrator and host of Arrest All Mimics podcast. He grew up laughing at farts in Keighley, West Yorkshire and is fascinated by the dirty underbelly of British culture.

Thank you to author Ben Tallon for sending me a signed copy.

Here is the news…

A Two Ronnies-esque play on book titles Blogpost. Here’s some of my favourite Indie Publishers combined with some books that are on my shelves in a special bookish ‘News Flash’. With a final shout out to a fabulous online book shop.

Good morning/afternoon/evening. Here is the news 🤓 🤓

Photo courtesy of The Guardian Newspaper. Obviously.

Today’s top stories:

News just in! There’s been a report from a couple of local ladies about a sighting of something unusual in their back garden.

Our reporter has just informed us that they said they’ve spotted what appears to be a BLUE MOOSE wandering around, eating their carrots. They said ‘WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE and usually it’s a BUNNY that steals our produce. We don’t know what to think during these strange times anymore.’

Our next story is focusing on the ridiculous amount of books that Lisa from OwlBeSatReading has accumulated over the last few months.

When interviewed she said ‘I don’t know how it gets like this. There seems to be an INFLUX of great authors at the moment, I end up in some kind of book LABYRINTH, struggling to find a way out! I often blame OTHERS but I know for certain I just get the HORNS for new books.’

Next an exclusive story, perhaps to take with a pinch of SALT. The theory behind ‘second breakfasts’.

Although small in stature, we spoke to a group of men (?) about their lives and how it evolves around mealtimes.

One, who wishes to remain anonymous said, ‘you can simply call me Mr HOBBIT, as I don’t want to bring unnecessary attention to us all as we’re on a secret journey at the moment. But I will say there’s never a time when we’re not FAMISHED. You could say we’re bounders really, but we’re certainly not UNBOUND!’

When questioned further, he said ‘we’re going there and back again, that’s all I’m willing to disclose at this stage’.

More on that story later.

Our next bulletin has had a few locals very perplexed. A new housing estate has recently been built and some have experienced a lot of ‘strange goings on’. Here’s EMMA, who lives opposite WUTHERING HEIGHTS to tell our reporter more.

‘I was pegging out my washing early one morning when I caught something in the corner of my eye. I’m no fan of ancient religions, big or SMALL GODS for that matter, but I am convinced I saw A MODERN FAMILY getting into their car and one of their kids was wearing A HEAD OF ZEUS!’

Our reporter asked to look from where she saw this bizarre occurrence and pointed over to her SANDSTONE patio, saying ‘my washing line is strung between those TWO TOWERS, so it’s a good viewpoint. I’ve set up CCTV because I think I’m going mad’.

We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds.

And finally, as we bring today’s report to a close, bringing you a MYRIAD of bookish oddities, I’d like to end with this lovely story.

Our final article is a heartwarming story about a pile of books found by a chap who’s had an unlikely escape from who knows where. He goes by the name Uriah. URIAH HEEP.

He was in the park walking his dog last Tuesday when he stumbled across a stack of books all wrapped up in a lovely red bow! Uriah tells us more.

‘I remember seeing a postcard in the local post office from a bloke called Bert who’d sadly mislaid some books and he’d be keen on getting them back. Apparently they were for his friend Rose. They may of been for ROSEMARY’S BABY as she’d recently had a wee nipper. Anyway, I’m so happy I could be the bearer of good tidings, I took great pleasure in returning BERTS BOOKS’.

So that brings us to the end of today’s news. Thank you for joining us.

It’s a goodnight from me and a goodnight from him. GOODNIGHT.

My Simple Life Situations [spelt out in five book covers]

Afternoon everyone, today I bring to you certain situations I’ve found myself in told in the medium of book covers.

King Crow by Michael Stewart

This perfectly represents me when I’ve just put fresh bird food out into the garden and that damn squirrel rocks up and nicks the lot. I hate that little bastard sometimes and wish I were a Crow with a baseball bat.

Pure by Rose Cartwright

Sometimes I just sit on the bed and stare. Sometimes I sit there debating whether I can be bothered to paint my toenails. But mostly I sit there thinking ‘is 7pm too early to climb in and snuggle up?’

Car Park Life by Gareth E Rees

Back in the day when I worked on the High Street I’d be waiting for the bus in the pouring rain with 400 other poor sods, who were desperate to stay dry and get home. Usually someone would piss me off by jamming themselves into an already full bus stop. I miss those days like a hole in the head.

She – Clown and Other Stories by Hannah Vincent

I feel like being pretty today, let’s do a proper makeover. Can I do winged eyeliner at 46 and a half? Can I hell. Usually looks even worse than this to be honest.

The Book Collector by Alice Thompson

I definitely did blow out that Yankee candle before I came out didn’t I? Didn’t I???? Me with my thoughts of uncertainty.

So there you have it, I’m a bit of a book weirdo. But you probably knew that already! Thanks for dropping by and have a great day

Acronyms #2 – Or, translation to English of my previous post.

So I’ve been getting so many questions asking me what on earth I was waffling on about on yesterday’s post Acronyms – Or WTF does that stand for?

(I haven’t at all, in fact one person has shown a bit of intrigue, mainly trying to fathom out what I had for dinner. You know who you are. EVA, from Novel Deelights!! 😂)

So, just to milk it within an inch of its life, here’s the translation you’ve all been desperately waiting for.

I’ve read LORD OF THE RINGS, WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE, THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE, PAPERBACKS FROM HELL and LET THE RIGHT ONE IN.

I thoroughly enjoyed THE DA VINCI CODE, ANGELS AND DEMONS and THE LOST SYMBOL by DAN BROWN. But I’ve not got around to reading ORIGIN yet, his latest one.

I haven’t read, and I don’t think I would read A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES or TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE. They’re not really my genre choice, which would explain why I didn’t have the foggiest!

I listen to ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE, ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA, GUNS AND ROSES, IRON MAIDEN, and FLEETWOOD MAC, but wasn’t overly keen on NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK back in the day.

For dinner tonight I’m making PORK CHOPS and HAGGIS with POTATOES and MIXED VEGETABLES. And don’t forget the all important PEPPER SAUCE. My mans Scottish, so HAGGIS is a regular meal staple in my house.

Whilst creating my culinary masterpiece I shall be sipping a VODKA AND DIET COKE, (I actually had 4. Oops 😬) but I’m also a bit partial to the odd GIN AND TONIC. My all time favourite tipple has got to be RED WINE though.

TO ALL THE WINE I’VE DRUNK BEFORE,

This GRAPHICS INTERCHANGE FORMAT is for you.

As a teenager I fell in love and sent letters to my hearts desire SEALED WITH A LOVING KISS 💋💋✉️💋💋

Intrigued, interested or just darn right annoyed by my acronyms and would like to know WHAT THE FUCK I’m on about?

Comment below and I’ll let you know what things stand for. Or don’t bother. DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK?

Until next time,

TALK TO YOU LATER

HAPPY ACRONYM-FREE WEEKEND EVERYONE!!

Top Ten Tuesday – My Best Bookish LOL’s #OwlBeSatLaughing

laughing-owl-by-kollor93-flickr

I love a book that’s an absolute hoot to read, (see what I did there?!) but I do have to be in the mood to read funny stuff. So I thought I’d share my top ten funniest reads so far for the Top Ten Tuesday meme that was originally created by The Broke and the Bookish.

First off, we have possibly one of THE funniest ‘Books About Books’ that I can ever recall reading. Jen Campbell’s Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops. I currently have #2 on my bookshelf and I’m looking forward to reading it when the mood takes. I’ll probably be reading it soon because I’m a bit of a miserable owl this time of year, and it will cheer me up because I really don’t like Christmas very much!

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Now we have yet another book about books, Craig McLays Village Books. It isn’t funny all the time, but the characters in this were superb, with dry wit and cracking one-liners, this had me chuckling away numerous times.

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Aww, this one, it has such a special place in my heart! 💜 I used to read this to my daughter 20-odd years ago. She loved it so much. Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy by the brilliant Lynley Dodd. A simple rhyming picture book, with animal characters that are fantastic!

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Another kids book next, the superb Roald Dahl’s  The Twits. I loved this as a child, and also read it during ‘Dahl week’ at the pre-school I used to work at. The class all sat on the reading mat, and me doing my best twittish voice overs is something I’ll never forget. All those little faces smiling and giggling away, it was truly magical!

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Something a bit different next in line, A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. I watched the film of this before I read the book. It starred Robert Redford and Nick Nolte and I thoroughly enjoyed it, so I bought the book second hand. I had a right good old laugh second time round! Unusually for me, I did prefer the movie, but the book was still delightfully funny.

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The next one is Peter Kay’s autobiography, The Sound of Laughter. I just adore Peter Kay, he’s the same age as me so everything he talks about in his book is so relateable. GARLIC BREAD?! GARLIC BREAD?! (You’ll only understand the comedy value of this foodstuff if you’re a fan! 😂)

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And while I’m on the subject of autobigraphies, next in line is Is It Just Me? by the super hilarious Miranda Hart. Again, I can relate so much to Miranda, she’s around my age and her book was SUCH FUN!😂

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This next book is on my Best of 2017 list, as not only is it utterly hysterical, but also very dark and un-PC. The fantastic C J Skuse’s Sweetpea. This one could possibly be ‘up there’ as one of my favourite books ever. Now THAT’S an accolade is it not?! We all know how hard it is to name favourite reads, but this is by far, a book I will never forget and will re-read for sure.

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The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time has won countless awards. This wonderful story has a main character with Asperger’s Syndrome, and Mark Haddon did a grand job of writing about such a sensitive subject with shed-loads of humour. I enjoyed it so much that I read it again STRAIGHT AFTER finishing it! What does that tell you?! As the cover suggests, it was outstanding. And so darn funny!

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And now for my final top ten LOL book, which is #4 in a series. The first three I have yet to read, and I usually never read a series out of numerical order! This was on NetGalley when I first joined and I fancied something a little different to my normal choice of genre so I requested it. And I’m so glad I did because Inspector Hobbes and the Bones (Unhuman #4) by Wilkie Martin was totally nuts! I rarely choose fantasy, but this just sounded odd and entertaining, and I loved the cover art. To best describe this one I’d say it was a Cosy Crazy Crime Fantasy Comedy Mystery! I really must read the first one to get some background on the characters. It was bonkers and quite unique.

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So, my first ever Top Ten Tuesday post is done! I’m not the most organised blogger, so whether I do another #TTT any time soon remains to be seen. My posts are a bit random, but I like it that way. At least then I’m not committing myself to blog on days I don’t feel like blogging!

Thanks for reading, and I’d love to hear what your favourite funny reads are. Drop me a comment below if you fancy 😀